


Ten Reasons Why

by ViaDylann



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Insecure Louis, M/M, Smut, Top Harry, Top Louis, depressed!louis, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-02-18 17:36:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2356799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViaDylann/pseuds/ViaDylann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis has taken a lot of hate on Twitter. Eventually, he decides that he isn't enough. Now, It's up to Harry to let him know that none of what the haters said is true and to tell him how much he loves him.<br/>Will Harry be able to talk Louis down? </p><p>It's based a bit on the song Unstable by Anberlin</p><p> *** TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide and/or talks of suicide***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

He’s been like this for a while now. I’ve tried many times to help him, but he wouldn’t let me. Things were going fine between us for quite a long time. We’ve been together for four years now. Four years I’ve loved this beautiful man; but for four years I’ve watched his smile crumble. I’ve seen the light in his eyes fade and there wasn’t really anything I could do about it. I’ve tried before, plenty of times, but all of my efforts were futile. I’ve seen him scrolling through his phone on countless occasions. I always knew what he was looking at. He was always on Twitter. I tried to stop it before it started but he never listened.

“You shouldn’t be on there so much Lou, it’ll destroy you” I always told him.

He’d always laugh and look at me with eyes that I miss so much.

“What are you going on about Hazz? I’m just checking up on our fans” He’d smile at me and keep scrolling.

He came to me the first time. He had stumbled upon a copious amount of hate. He said that they were right, that his vocals weren’t good enough and that he was ugly and rude all of the time.

“No you’re not Lou,” I cooed to him that night, cuddled up in my bunk. “I love your voice! They just don’t get your sense of humor and if it counts for anything, I think that you are beautiful.” 

I kissed the tears off of his face as he sniffled. “You mean that?” He asked with a broken voice that sounded as insecure as he was.

“Of course I do, Boobear! They’re just jealous, the lot of ‘em!”

From then on, it just kept getting worse. He just started ignoring it, but he’d break down when it all got too much. He stopped coming to me eventually, and at first I thought he’d stopped looking at it, but by the bags under his eyes and the way he avoided eye contact, I knew he hadn’t. He stopped showing his emotions and became very reserved. He put up these walls that I spent so much time trying to break down. I never did break them though. It seemed like with every hit, the walls just got stronger or he’d put more up. I’ve gone through my share of hate too, I’d get down and feel terrible, but I always was able to bring myself out of it, but not Lou.  
So here I am, on top of a building, trying to talk my beautiful Louis down from a ledge.

“Just come down from there Lou, come with me. Please!” I said frantically.

“Why should I? They’re all right you know!” I can’t believe he thinks those thing are true. I can feel by heart break.

“But they’re not Lou and you know it! Why can’t you believe in what you know?” Something flashes in his eyes, and I think he’s gonna let me help him.

“I just –never mind. Don’t worry yourself with me, Haz. Just go back down to the lads, yeah?” He turns away from me and kicks a pebble off of the roof while tears stream down his face.

“Come around, Darling. I’m not going without you, Boo! Let me in.”

“I can’t.” Louis says shaking his head “Letting you in won’t do you any good.”

“How can I talk you down from that ledge unless you let me in?” Tears start to pour faster from my eyes in frustration. I have to help him.

“You can’t”

“But I love you, Louis! I need you with me!” I choke on a sob.

“What’s there to love about me?” I need to get him down quickly, he’s right on the edge and I’m afraid he’s going to fall whether it’s on purpose or not.

“There’s so much, Lou!”

“I doubt it” He looks down at his feet.

“If I tell you, will you come with me?” The wind is starting to pick up, and judging by how cold I feel in my jumper, Louis must be freezing in his vest.

“Ten things then.” My stomach drops. Is letting me try? Damn I hope he is! “Since there’s so much to love, name ten things and I’ll go because I’m so done Harry. I feel like no likes me. You’re who I’m holding on to and I need that push. So tell me ten things and it might just be enough.”


	2. Eyes Like the Sea

“I remember the first time that I saw them. Way back at X-Factor. They enchant me. I know it’s not just a thing for blue eyes I have, it’s just yours. Niall has blue eyes too, but none like yours. They don’t captivate me the way yours do. I can’t see every emotion running through them so clearly like I can with yours. I don’t catch myself staring into them when they lock with mine, and I don’t yearn for his like I do for yours when you’re away or sleeping.

There’s something about your eyes, Lou. They have a sense of calm that I’m addicted to. Whether they are filled with mischief or even anger and no matter how I’m feeling at the moment, one look and it calms me down. They help me think straight, Louis. It’s your eyes that do that. No one else’s have the same effect on me that yours do, not even remotely close. They’re the reason I’m up here talking instead of dragging you off the roof by force. They help me see that it wouldn’t help anything. I can see the pain, Lou, all the hurt you have in them and it breaks my heart.” 

Maybe if I had said something before, when I noticed he still wasn’t okay, we’d have had this conversation in out flat instead of on a roof. Maybe he’d be okay.

“They’ve always shown me so much about you, Louis. They make me feel like we’re so close, even when you’re all the way across the room. It’s like I’m a lighthouse, where my eyes are the light. You, though, have eyes like the sea. It’s like a perfect match since mine are always searching yours like the light scans the water. I think it’s funny, the analogy, because your eyes always guide me home. You should really be the lighthouse, where as I am the ship that you guided safely to shore. I’m the one that was lost. For that I can’t thank you enough and it makes me love you even more than I already did. 

I guess that’s number one then.

The first thing I love about you is the fact that you have eyes like the sea; a beautiful blue that I don’t mind getting lost in, over and over again.”

In those same eyes I saw part of his walls crumble. I know that by the time I hit ten reasons they’ll be gone. I can tell by the way he still looks scared that he’s second guessing himself. I don’t know whether he’s wondering if I’m telling the truth or if he’s contemplating a good time to jump. All I know is; I better get on with these reasons because I don’t know what I’d do if Louis doesn’t come home with me. If he does, and I’m praying that he does, I know I’m going to reassure him every day that I love him. I’ll let him know that I care, because now it’s my turn to guide him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading this and those who left Kudos! You guys are awesome! =3
> 
> I know these 'Chapters' are really short, but that's how they're supposed to be. Harry is trying to convince Louis, in the quickest amount of time, to come off of the roof and go back home with him and realistically the other boys would be frantically waiting to see what happens and it would be a long time with longer 'chapters'. I hope you understand! =)
> 
> The next part should be up tomorrow around the same time. (9/27 at 11:00 South Florida/Miami time) 
> 
> Thanks again, it means a lot! <3  
> -Via


	3. Sass Master from Doncaster

“You’re sassy” I tell him

“I know” He said with a frown on his face. “I’ve been told quite a lot and it makes me come off as rude”

“I don’t think so. I just think people aren’t used to it”

“Well maybe I should stop. I don’t mean for people to look at me as a rude person.”

“I know, Love.” I coo. “I don’t think you should stop, though. It’s part of who you are and it’s something that some people will learn to love about you!”

“That’s just it, Harry! People shouldn’t have to learn to love me. What’s the point in trying to love someone like me? I’m too much work to be worth it and I should honestly just save everyone the time and effort.”   
Louis starts to move and for a second I think he’s going to jump. I then realize that instead, he’s just going to sit down in the spot that he once stood. I slowly move to sit next to him, feeling nervous about being on the edge. I offer him my jumper considering he’s been up here longer than me.

“No sense in you catching Hypothermia. Keep the bloody jumper, I’ll be fine.”  
“Lou! You’re worth it to me alright, and we both know that you’re very worth it to our fans!” All Louis does is sigh. “Just, take the jumper, please. You know I’m not going to sit here and let you freeze.”

“Bloody hell” He says snatching the jumper out of my hands. “Fuck you!” he mumbles as a small smile plays on my lips.

“You’re welcome.” I say shaking my head. “Even when you’re upset you’re still just as sassy. . . I love it though.”

After some silence I decide to speak again.

“When was the last time someone said out loud that you were rude?”

“I don’t know, but that’s not the only way people speak up. My being rude has been published before.” He says with his brows furrowed.

“Remember when it was published that Niall insulted the fans?”

“Yeah, that was fucking stupid”

“I know, It’s what I’m trying to show you! What gets printed isn’t accurate we should know that the best. We know that Niall didn’t mean it like that, but they didn’t. It’s the same with when they call you rude. The lads, the fans, you and I know that you don’t mean things and we don’t take it seriously, but they don’t know.”

“I know what you’re getting at.” He says turning his head to face me. “It’s just hard to convince yourself that it’s like that. When people are constantly beating you down it’s hard to pull yourself back up. You should know.”

I take his hand in mine and start to rub soothing circles into it.

“I know babe, but if you don’t let anyone help you stand, you’ll never get up.

There goes number two. The second thing I love about you, my Louis, is how sassy you are . . . Even if people take it the wrong way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating! I did not have access to my laptop!  
> I will try to do a triple update tomorrow to make up for it!  
> Sorry for the wait!
> 
> -Via


	4. He Loves Me for Me

“The third reason is that you love me for me.”

 

“Well yeah. I can’t exactly want you for your money or fame” 

 

It feels like we've been up on this roof a decade when it’s only been about fifteen minutes. My phone starts to go off again for the twentieth time in the last five minutes.

 

“There you go with the sass again!” I said smiling a bit.

 

“Aren't you going to answer that?” Louis asked gesturing to my phone. 

 

“Well, you’re my main priority right now so, no.”

 

“Well don’t you think they’re a bit worried right now?”

 

“Yes, but I’m surely more worried about you than they are and I’m sitting right next to you. You can answer the call if you want though.”

 

“No. I don’t want to get their hopes up” He mumbles just when I thought I was making some progress.

 

“Lou!” I plead.

 

“You’re only at three.”

 

“I haven’t made even a little progress?” I ask him desperately.

 

“I guess you’ll find out after number ten.” The lack of emotion on his face and in his words worries me.

 

It makes me feel like I won’t get through to him. I won’t ever give up on him, though. We've been through way too much together for me to just let him go.

 

“Why don’t you elaborate, Harry” He says, interrupting my thoughts.

 

“Well, you know what I’m like,” I start.  
“I’m one of the weirdest people. There are tons of rumors going around and people say things about me all the time. I’m not the most normal person you know, and you love me regardless. All of the weird habits that I have, you look past all of them.

When we first started our relationship, I thought I was being pranked or something. I always wondered how someone as perfect as you could ever like, much less love, someone like me. I always walked on eggshells because I was afraid I’d mess everything up and you wouldn't want me anymore. 

I always heard people talk about how ‘attractive’ I was but how stupid I acted and how I seemed like a little kid. I always thought I annoyed you, so I tried to tune it down a bit.  
After I saw the amount of support we had from our ‘Larry Shippers’ I realized that I didn't have to change. It’s quite amazing actually. They have so many videos showing how much we loved each other and it helped me see that you did actually love me even though I am pretty strange.

I wish we could tell them, Louis, how much we love each other. I want to tell them with you by my side. How is that supposed to happen if you leave me? I wouldn't know how to do it without you. You make me strong enough, Lou. You help me be me. Even when I tell my stupid jokes that I know no one likes, you still love me. Even when I’m the clumsiest person, or I accidentally say something I wasn't supposed to say, you love me. Even when I wear all those crazy things on stage, and change some lyrics at our shows, you still love me. Through thick and thin you are here, now it’s my turn Lou. It’s my turn to be strong for you. It’s my turn to show how much I love you because I didn't show you enough. Look where it’s taken us, Baby.”

I hope he’s taking in everything that I’m, saying because it’s all from my heart. I’m pouring my soul into every word I’m saying. I just feel like getting to ten is taking so long and I don’t want to give him too much time to talk himself into jumping. God, I hope he’s listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try to upload two more times today.  
> I hope you guys are liking this so far! It means a bunch!  
> Again, thank you for the Kudos and for reading this!  
> Feel free to leave comments on anything i should work on! =)
> 
> -Via


	5. Sunshine Smile

You know how I call you Sunshine sometimes?” I say to him.

“Yeah.”

“Do you know why?”

“Cause you like to copy me?” He guesses and smirks for a second before his face is neutral again.

That is the realest and happiest emotion I’ve seen on his face all day. I don’t know how he doesn’t realize how beautiful he looks, even now, with dried tears streaked across his face. Even with his nose and cheeks tinted pink from the cold and especially with him bunched up in my jumper giving him sweater paws. 

“Partly, but no. It’s because of your smile.” I say, wishing it would make an appearance.

“What does my smile have to do with a pet name?”

“When you smile, it isn’t just a smile. It’s a Louis Sunshine Smile, the one smile that only you can produce. When you laugh or you are at your happiest, you do this huge smile where your eyes crinkle and I’m sat wondering how it doesn’t rip your face in two. That smile is so radiant, that it reminds me of the sun and your whole face lights up, making you shine. Whenever I see it I can’t help but smile back, or stare in awe.  
I wish you could see it, Lou. The way you light up, the way it affects everyone in the room. Even the fans notice. They say so many great things about you; those are the things you should focus on. The good definitely outweighs the bad when you look at it. 

I wanna see your smile again, sunshine! It melts my heart to see you so happy. It’s like everything is perfect in the world because my Louis is happy; because my Louis isn’t worried or sad or overthinking.  
I could always take a picture of the smile, but it would never suffice. To see it in person is something short of a miracle. It’s something I would pay millions to see up close and personal. I would give everything in the world to see it every second of every day and it would never, in a billion years, get old.”

“Harry, I . . .” Louis trails off. I hear him sniffle as I realize tears are running down his face, making reappearance.

“Lou.” I whisper as I cup his cheek.

“I just didn’t know you felt like that.” He chokes out.

“I know, I know and I regret not telling you sooner. Look at you, babe. I haven’t seen that smile in so long.”

“I’ve just been so unhappy, Hazz! I didn’t feel like smiling. You guys are the only reason I’ve held on so long. I didn’t want to ruin the band and I didn’t want to let you down. You always looked so proud when I was involved and when I tried. Then everything got so bad. It made it hard to want to get out of bed, what people have said kept ringing through my head. It was all too much.”

“Oh, Lou!” Tears started pouring again as I heard how upset he’s been. 

Maybe this is all my fault. Maybe if I’d have tried a little harder. I don’t even deserve him. Maybe he’s too good for me. An angel in a world of demons and mortals is what he is. My angel with a Sunshine Smile.


	6. Honey on Sandpaper

“Just answer the phone!” Louis sighs as Zayn’s name pops up on my phone again.

 

“I already told you.” I say trying to wipe away my tears that don’t seem to want to stop.

 

“If I was in their position, I’d want you to answer and I know you would too. Just answer it. I swear I won’t jump while you’re on the phone. I promised I’d let you say 10 reasons anyway.”

 

I hesitantly go to answer the phone while Louis nods at me. 

 

I pick up the phone and I’m met with a well panicked Zayn. 

 

“Hello? Harry! What’s goin’ on up there? Why aren’t you guys down? Can you hear me?”

 

“Zayn I can hear you” I sniffle a bit. “I’m working on it.” 

 

“Are you crying? What’s he going to-

 

“Harry’s crying? What’s Louis doing?” I hear my bandmates voice cutting Zayn off.

 

“I don’t know Liam, maybe if you let me-

 

“Hello? Harry?” I hear Liam’s voice in the phone more prominently and Zayn’s in the background explaining to Niall the little that he knew, confirming that Liam took the phone from him.

 

“Hey Liam.”

 

“What is going on up there? Is Louis okay?”

 

“I’m talking to Louis and better I think. I just need to talk to him some more yeah?”

 

“Can I talk to him a second?” I hear Zayn and Niall also call out that they want to talk to Louis.

 

I look at Louis whose tears aren’t stopping either and I realize that I’m giving him too much time to think.

 

“Actually Liam, I just need to talk to him a bit more, yeah? I’m gonna hang up now, what I say to him is really important. It’s crucial that I tell him.”

 

“But harry I –

 

“Just trust me please? I cut him off considering how desperate I am to let Louis know every part of every reason that I have swimming in my head.

 

“Fine, but hurry okay? I want you and Louis down safe and sound soon!”

 

“I know Li. I’ll talk to you in a bit.” 

 

With that I hang up and turn to Louis to talk to him again.  
.

“You know they care too right?” Louis doesn’t seem to realize that I’m talking to him.

“Louis?” I ask “Boobear?” After a few moments, I realize that he just isn’t answering. I knew I was giving him too much time.

“Where’s my Louis? Where’s his voice? Great! First, my Love is upset, then I don’t get to see his sunshine smile, and now I’m deprived of his wonderful voice. The fifth thing I love about my Boo and I can’t even hear that.

That’s one of the only reasons I listen to our music, you know; to listen to your voice. There’s something about it. It just kinda sticks to you. It’s also sweet and soothing, a bit like honey. I mean it’s not like you’re the only person who’s voice sweet, but yours is the only one with a contradiction. Yours is not only sweet but it’s gravely, like sandpaper, and it’s scratchy in a way that makes my heart race. I find myself just sitting there listening to your parts in our songs and not being able to sing along because I’m afraid of ruining it with my own.”

“Your voice is amazing, Harry. You could never ruin anything with yours.” He finally graces me with his glorious voice.

How is it that even when he’s at his lowest, he still finds the strength to reassure me? Why can’t he do that for himself too? I feel the strongest urge to bring him into my arms and comfort him, but I’m not too sure how he’s react right now. Instead I sit and lock my eyes with his and wipe his tears away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've managed a triple update, with an hour to spare!  
> I hope You enjoy! =)  
> Thanks for you patience!
> 
> -Via


	7. Jealousy's the Cousin of Greed

“So,” He sniffles “You really mean all that?” 

 

“Of course I mean all of that. Everything I’m saying to you is coming straight from my heart and I’m going to mean everything I will say to you. You mean so much to me, Louis! Can’t you see that?”

 

“I don’t know. Everything’s a bit blurry. It’s just that you’re such a good person, and everyone else is so much better than me in everything whether it’s looks or singing or just being. It makes me feel like I’ll blink and someone will take you from me” Louis sighs and puts his head in his hands.

 

“Are you serious right now? No one could ever steal me from you, Lou. You are everything I see. You make everyone else irrelevant. People can talk and flirt all they like; you’re the only one I’m looking at. You are the most attractive, you are the funniest, and you are best at being you. That’s all I want; you! There’s no need to be jealous, even if it’s the cutest thing ever”

 

“Let me guess,” Louis slightly chuckles “number 6?”

 

“You know it, babe.” In that moment, Louis smiled a real smile, not quite a sunshine smile, but a real smile nonetheless. 

 

*FLASHBACK*

We’ve been at this meet and greet for about an hour now and I can feel the energy slowly being drained from my body. We have maybe two more hours to go and I’m so grateful for that coffee Louis had gotten for me earlier this morning.

We started taking photos with the fans and I can’t say we’ve taken the most normal pictures yet. Some were more normal but none were the standard ‘stand next to us and smile’ pictures. I have to say the fans here are quite enthusiastic. 

I turn to my right and see Louis crouched down, talking to a little girl and I can’t help but smile at them. The way he smiles and makes her laugh make my heart melt with fondness, and I can’t help but let my mind drift off to thinking about if Louis and I were to have kids. He would make a great dad whether he thought so or not.  
As I got caught up in thinking, a teenage fan came up to me for a picture. She seemed a little nervous, so I decided to tell her a joke to help her loosen up a bit.

I told her the one about the giraffe and I know she didn’t find it funny but she laughed anyway. She then turned to me while blushing and she asked for a kiss on the cheek for a picture. I don’t see anything wrong with it so I kiss her on the cheek.

After the meet and greet Louis and I start walking back to the tour bus and I know something is up with Louis.

 

“What’s wrong, Boo?”

 

“Why did you kiss that girl?” Louis said, stopping and kicking at stone on the ground.

 

“Is that seriously what this is about? It was a fan, Louis! She wanted a kiss on the cheek for her picture, so I gave her one.”

 

“I don’t like it.” He stated looking a tad timid.

 

“I didn’t like her or anything. No need to be Jealous, Babe.”

 

Louis is the very jealous type, especially when I’m getting complimented and even if it’s by one of the boys. Although he gets a bit grumpy, there’s always an upside to a jealous Louis. 

We reached the tour bus and I immediately get pulled into the bathroom.

You see, when Louis gets jealous, he turns into ‘Daddy Louis’. I know it’s only because he wants to remind me that I only belong to him and It works in my favor because I love it when Louis is demanding sometimes.

I’m immediately pushed down to my knees and told to suck. I do exactly as he says because I know that not only is he a bit pissed right now but if I don’t show him that I’m his, he’ll feel like he’s losing me and he’ll get very insecure later.

I pull his member into my mouth and suck lightly on the head while I like my green eyes in his blue, just the way he likes.

The way he lets go when he’s with me and isn’t too rough shows me that he really does care and it makes me want to please him all the more. 

I use my hand to gently play with his balls a bit and soft moans slip from his mouth. 

Soon, his moans get louder and I know he’s close. Before I could finish him off, he pulls me off of him and brings my face up to him.

 

“Tell me!” He whispers gently before his lips are on mine. 

 

I kiss him passionately and pull away a bit.

 

“I’m yours; only yours, now and forever.” I tell him gently as he picks me up and walks us to his bunk to make love to me till I see stars and can’t walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took long, i'm super sorry!  
> I haven't been able to update anything that i'm currently writing but since this is my first priority, i found some time to write this.
> 
> I you're wondering why, I just moved from Florida to Chicago and I couldn't bring clothes with me, so i've been out looking for a job and buying clothes and sorting things out. After all, it's a new state for me and i know no one here, save for some family. (I need to make friends lol)
> 
> Also, I watched the live stream of the last show of WWAT in Miami on Younow, and i can't believe it's over, Twitter will get a bit boring for a while lol. Can't wait to hear 'FOUR'!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this update! Leave comments and Kudos if you want. Thanks again! <3
> 
> -Via


	8. Thighs N' Things

“What are you thinking about?” Louis says, snapping me out of my head.

“Your body, actually.” It saddens me as I see Louis subconsciously place his hand over his tummy. “It’s beautiful.” 

“Not really” he mumbles and slightly shifts away from me.

“Lou. It really is!”

“How can you say that? I have a huge bum and big thighs and I’m fat.” I cup Louis’ face and turn it back to face me.

“Don’t you dare call yourself fat, Louis William Tomlinson. I will not sit here and let anyone talk such lies about you, even if you’re the one talking. There is nothing fat about you. 

Your bum is perfect, Babe, some would kill for one like yours!”

“I wouldn’t.” Louis mumbled with his eyes on the ground.

“That’s because you don’t know how to appreciate it but it’s okay because I do it for you. And your thighs are perfect. Every inch of you is perfect.”

“No one is perfect Harry.” I sigh and take his hand.

“Yeah, that may be; but Lou, you are absolutely perfect for me.”

There is a bit of silence again and I wonder if I’m even getting anywhere. I wonder if Louis is actually taking all of this in, he can be unpredictable. I’m trying my best to stay calm but it’s harder each second we’re up here.  
How could I let him get like this? I could I let him get so bad that he’s considered taking his life? How could I let him get bad enough for him to come up here and want to try?  
I play with his fingers and my hand trails up his arm and Louis turns to look at me.

“Haz, What are you-

“Shh.” I gently silence him. “I’m showing you.” My hand reaches the back of his neck and I can feel him shiver.

“Showing me what?” He whispers and locks his eyes with mine.

“Every part of you that is perfect.” I say as my thumb gently runs over his cheeks. 

“Here.” I say as I trace my way down to his chest.

“Here” I whisper as Louis’ eyes show me that he knows that what I’m doing is far from sexual.

“Here too.” My hands reach his tummy and curve around to move over his back then back down to his thighs.   
“You know it’s all perfect” I say leaning closer to him.

“Every. Inch.” I say kissing his tears after every word.  
“Can I hold you?” I ask quietly as I study his face for a reaction.

All Louis does is nod.  
With his permission, I scoot off of the ledge and bring Louis with me and into my lap, facing me.  
I rest my forehead against his and breathe him in.


	9. Underneath it All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have finished the story, so here we go!!!  
> Happy Reading!  
>  -Via

Louis now sits with his back against my chest and my arms wrapped around him. I feel like he’s safe as long as I’m holding him and I hope he won’t want me to let go anytime soon unless it’s to go home.

“Ready to give me number eight?” Louis asks; his voice still quiet from when we were whispering.   
I’m not sure why, but it feels more meaningful if we’re quiet compared to when we weren’t.

“Yeah.” I breathe out. “You know how when we’re in public, and I mean since the beginning and not just now, you’re a bit different then when we’re not? I know we all are but I mean you specifically.”

“Yeah.” Louis nods.

“Well number eight is how you come down from it all; from being in public to just being with me and the boys.”

“You like the way I, readjust?” He questions, turning a bit to face me.

“Yeah. I love the way you readjust.”

“What the hell are you going on about?” Louis shakes his head.

“Well. Firstly, no matter if you’re with just me, or with the rest of the boys too, you always want a cuppa. I think it helps you calm down.”

“It does.” He confirms.

“Then, if we’re with the boys, you throw on a jumper, wash your face, and put on some music, mainly the Fray, before you do anything else.”

“You notice all of that?” He asks, leaning his head on my shoulder and looking up at me.

“Mhm,” I hum and place a kiss on his forehead.  
“And if you’re just with me, after your tea, you always want to take a warm shower, cuddle with me, and then have me sing to you. You used to ask for me to, but I’ve gotten into the routine so much that it just happens naturally. On days when you’re tired, you put your hands in my shirt and tuck your head in my neck. . . You make yourself so small.” I run my fingers through his hair that still has a warm scent from his shower.

“I like being small with you. It makes me feel protected.”   
And if I wasn’t already head over heels in love with the boy, then I would’ve fallen right then and there.

“Number eight isn’t just that though. It’s everything that you do while you’re away from the cameras. It’s the charity work that you do on your own free will. It’s how gentle you are with everything. It’s how you let go and you don’t have to think twice so you don’t mess something up. It’s the way you gravitate to me in the same way I gravitate to you. It’s the way you get to be yourself and you don’t have to pretend. It’s everything you do, Love, when you’re not paying attention. The small touches, the gestures, the comments, the lot.” 

“How do you manage to notice all of that?”

“It’s not hard. I just kind of like watching you. Everything you do makes my heart swell. I’m so fond of you that sometimes I don’t even realize that I’m staring until one of the boys remind me. So yeah, I notice it all cause when you take off all of the cameras and lights and who you need to be, Number eight is who you are. It’s the Louis that gets buried when we’re in public.”


	10. It's Gotta Be Lou

“Remember the first time I saw all the hate about me?” I could see the frown that was now etched on his face.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “I was the first person you came to.”

“Mhm, and you stayed up with me all night to make sure I felt better.”

“You needed me.”

“Indeed. Remember when they started calling me a womanizer?”

“I still can’t believe they did that.” He said sliding his fingers to lace with mine.

“Well it’s what people do for a living.”

“Yeah, but you were so upset, so hurt.”

“But you were there to comfort me.”

“Always.” He tried to assure me.

“Not if you leave. Then I won’t have you.” I figured he didn’t know what to say considering he didn’t say anything, but it was true. There was no way that he could be there for me if he jumped. I wouldn’t have him to hold me. Yeah, I could have one of the other lads to do it but it wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t feel right and it’d just make me feel worse because how could I not think of him when he was who I’d go to all of the time.

“You’re it for me, Lou. You’re who I run to when I’m upset. There are always the boys, but they don’t know how to do it. They don’t have a touch that can calm me down. They can’t love me the way you do, they don’t know how to hold me the way you do. You know what to say, how to touch, how to soothe. Yeah, their words can help a little, but I can only recover with yours. 

Remember that time you had to go away with El and someone had started that trend on Twitter?”

“It won’t happen again!” He sternly stated.

“You don’t know that, Lou. 

The boys tried everything to make me feel better; to make the tears stop. The held me, they whispered every soothing word they could think of. The only one that got close was Zee, but that barely made a dent. I shut myself down. I blacked out; didn’t even know what happened. Still can’t remember what happened before you got there.”

“They said you had a panic attack. Said you wouldn’t eat. Kept mumbling for me to come; saying that you wanted me but I wasn’t there. It took a day and a half to get to you. They wouldn’t let me leave until I told them what was going on and they saw for themselves. They had to show Simon on FaceTime what you were doing. It broke my heart seeing you like that. I’m not letting it happen again.”

I told him again that there was nothing he could do if he jumped. All Louis did was shake his head saying it wouldn’t.

“I’d watch over you, Haz. I’d make sure.” He pleaded with his head down.

“What if I wanted you to hold me, what if I needed to hear you?”

“I’d find a way.” He was being too stubborn.  
I didn’t want to fight him but I know he’d realize for himself that it’d have to be him. That it was always him.


	11. Sex Is More

“I love you.” I said, breaking the silence.

“I love you too.” He said, lifting his head to rest on my chest.

“I’m at ten.”

“I know.” He said, squeezing my hand.

“This is it.” I said, squeezing back.

“I know.”

“No matter what, remember that I love you.”

“I love you too.” He smiled sadly. “So. . . what’s number Ten?”   
I sigh a little, wondering why he’s so eager to get this over with. But then again, so would I if I was planning to jump.

“Number ten, is when we make love.”

“Seriously?” He says, pulling away from me and standing up. “The last thing you Love about me is when we have sex? How fucking perfect Harry.”

“No, Lou,” I start, standing with him, and pulling him back to me. “It isn’t when we have sex because with you it’s more than sex. With you it’s love. With you there’s so much emotion. When it’s you it’s slow and meaningful and that’s ten! The fact that when we do make love, it’s more than just sex, it’s way more!”

“M’sorry.” He mumbles putting his head on my chest.

“Hey,” I said lifting his chin with my finger. “Don’t apologize. I definitely could have started that better and considering why we’re up here, you’re subconsciously finding a way to do what you came to do. So, don’t apologize because I understand.”

 

*FLASHBACK*

 

“I love you.” Louis says as he slowly pushes me down on the couch.

“I love you.” I return as my heart quickens.

Louis lips are immediately on mine in a slow kiss. Soon his tongue swipes across my bottom lip and I open my mouth, letting his tongue in to roam as he palms me through my jeans. After a few teasing minutes, Louis is straddling me and leaving love-bites on my neck. He starts to roll his hips down on me and I moan in pleasure. Louis then pulls me into a sitting position and pulls my shirt over my head. Louis’ lips move to my first left nipple and his hair tickles me on the way down, making my breath hitch. When my left nipple is erect and red, he moves to my right one to do the same.

“Lou.” I breathe out feeling the need to have him close. He sits back up and I immediately pull his shirt off too and bring him flush against my chest for another kiss. Soon, Louis is pulling me to the bedroom and laying me on the bed so he could pull my jeans off along with his. After we are both only in our pants, Louis walks over to our night stand and pulls out a bottle of lube and a condom.

“No, Babe,” I say as Louis turns to look at me. “Wanna feel you”  
With a moan, Louis drops the condom and walks back over to lay on me for more kissing. I start thrusting upward for some friction and I’m happy to find myself lining up perfectly with Louis and I let out a whine. He then kisses down my body and frees my erection before ridding us of our pants. 

“M’gonna open you up, okay?”

“Yea, Lou. Fuck.” I whisper, nodding at the beautiful sight above me.  
After a peck on the lips, Louis is wrapping a hand around me and has a lubed up finger from the other hand at my entrance. 

“I’m gonna go in now, Baby.” Louis looks up at me as he uses his thumb to spread my precum around before he starts pumping. With that as a distraction, Louis slowly slips a finger inside and since it’s not our first time, it feels more good than uncomfortable. Soon, Louis has two fingers inside, scissoring me open and I grip the sheets, since I can’t reach Louis. He pulls his fingers out and before I could comprehend the loss, his is slicked up and pushing inside me instead. 

“Harry! So-fuck- pretty, Babe!” He moans and pistons himself in and out of me, long having let go of me.

“Lou, feel so good.” I say, pulling him down against me. With the new angle, I feel him hit my prostate as I let out a muffled cry and bite down on Louis’ shoulder. Knowing that he’s found it, Louis slows down his thrusts, letting every drop of emotion come through with them. I clench around him and he lets his head loll into the crook of my neck in pleasure.

“You’re so amazing, Lou” I whisper “Wouldn’t ever want anyone else.” I get out with a moan.   
Soon, we are both approaching our climax and my eyes are shut.

“Look at me, Haz,” He whispers, pushing a sweaty strand of hair out of my face.  
“Together, yeah?” He asks as I struggle to keep my eyes open and locked on his.  
All I can do is nod with my mouth open until I feel Louis pulse inside of me letting me know that he’s about to release. 

“Harry!” Louis cries out and we climax at the same time and I paint our stomachs white while dragging my fingers down his back. He pumps us through it, and then rolls off beside me.

“I love you so fucking much, Louis.” I say, snuggling up to him with a yawn.

“I love you too, Harry.” He says with a smile and places a kiss on the top of my head.


	12. The Decision

“So, Lou. Have you made up your mind yet?” 

“Yeah,” Louis nods. “I think I have.”

I’m scared to know what he’s decided on the off chance that he still wants to follow through with it. Louis pulls his head off of my chest and takes both of my hands in his instead.

“You know I love you right?” Louis asks locking his eyes on mine.

“Yeah?” I can’t tell what Louis is thinking, he’s blocked his emotions off of me and I’m scared to know what that means.

“You’re an amazing boyfriend,” he smiles a bit. “You’re the sweetest person I’ve come to know and I thank God that I got the chance to meet you. You’re so fucking wonderful to me and I’m amazed by it daily.

I’ve listened to everything that you’ve said to me, Hazza, every word. I listened to you speak beautifully about my eyes, I heard you find some things that I thought were negatives about me as positives, I heard you speak of how you saw that I love you despite everything even though I find that those are some of the things that make me love you even more.”  
By this time, even though I could have sworn there were no more tears left to shed, the both of us had tears streaming down our faces though Louis’ expression was full of fondness. 

“I listened to you speak wonders of my smile and voice, you showed me some parts of me that I didn’t know, and told me that you knew that sex is more than it is when we’re together. You even told me that you need me.” He choked off a sob. 

Before I could ask why he was crying so hard, he pulled me in for a salty kiss. I felt so much emotion though the kiss and cried harder because it felt like he was saying goodbye. He started to pull away but I pulled him back in because he was breaking my heart and I didn’t want this moment to end yet. Eventually though, it had to.

“All of that made me come to the realization that I’m not good enough for you. All of the things you said to me showed me that you’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you, Babe.” He smiled through the tears that were still falling.

“Lou, no you can’t-

“I have to, Baby. There’s someone else out there that can love you better than I did. Someone that can whisper sweet nothings to you while you fall asleep like I couldn’t; Someone who isn’t so insecure, someone who doesn’t need so much fixing, someone who is less drama for you! This is the chance that I got with you, and now it’s someone else’s”

“But I need you, Lou! No one else can do that for me, No one! You’re not too much drama for me, you’re perfect, I thought you heard me tell you! I don’t want anyone else, Boobear, I want you! You’re the Louis to my Harry! We can’t have Larry Stylinson without Louis Tomlinson! You can’t ship Harry Styles!” I yelled, practically pleading at this point. “How am I supposed to live without you?” I whispered.

Louis hands came up to cup my face and wiped my endless tears away. “You can do it, Love. I know you’re strong enough.”

“But I’m not;” I said as I shook my head. “So if you’re going to leave, then I’m coming with you.”

“What? No, you have so much left for you, Hazz!”

“I don’t care, I’d be miserable every day and I’d end up throwing it all away anyway. So if you want to leave and have me be happy, then I have to go with you.”

“So fucking stubborn, you are.” He shook his head and I smiled. Taking Louis’ hand in mine and stepping onto the ledge, I took out my phone and sent a group message to all of the boys.

‘Sorry I failed you, Lads. I can’t let him go though, I’ll be happier this way, I promise. All the love. H’ 

With that sent, I pulled Louis into a hug and connected our lips with a smile and we jumped.


	13. Alternate Ending (For those who needed one!)

“So, Lou. Have you made up your mind yet?” 

“Yeah,” Louis nods. “I think I have.”

I’m scared to know what he’s decided on the off chance that he still wants to follow through with it. Louis pulls his head off of my chest and takes both of my hands in his instead.

“You know I love you right?” Louis asks locking his eyes on mine.

“Yeah?” I can’t tell what Louis is thinking, he’s blocked his emotions off of me and I’m scared to know what that means.

“You’re an amazing boyfriend,” he smiles a bit. “You’re the sweetest person I’ve come to know and I thank God that I got the chance to meet you. You’re so fucking wonderful to me and I’m amazed by it daily.

I’ve listened to everything that you’ve said to me, Hazza, every word. I listened to you speak beautifully about my eyes, I heard you find some things that I thought were negatives about me as positives, I heard you speak of how you saw that I love you despite everything even though I find that those are some of the things that make me love you even more.”  
By this time, even though I could have sworn there were no more tears left to shed, the both of us had tears streaming down our faces though Louis’ expression was full of fondness. 

“I listened to you speak wonders of my smile and voice, you showed me some parts of me that I didn’t know, and told me that you knew that sex is more than it is when we’re together. You even told me that you need me.” He choked off a sob. 

Before I could ask why he was crying so hard, he pulled me in for a salty kiss. I felt so much emotion though the kiss and cried harder because it felt like he was saying goodbye. He started to pull away but I pulled him back in because he was breaking my heart and I didn’t want this moment to end yet. Eventually though, it had to.

“All of that made me come to the realization that I have so much more to live for, and one of those things is you. I’m sorry that I stopped coming to you! I know I should’ve because you could’ve made it better; you always do. You are my life, Harry Edward Styles, you are my everything. I’m so fucking sorry for putting you and the boys through all of this; it was so damn selfish of me.”

“No, Baby, I should’ve come to you. I knew you were in a tough place and I should’ve been there. This is all my fault, the whole time I was up here I was thinking that if I would have gone to you, I could’ve made you feel better before you even considered taking your life. You mean so much to me and I’m so fucking sorry for letting you get this far.”

I gave Louis a peck on the lips before taking his hand in mine. “How about we go home?”

I led Louis back into the stairwell and out the front doors, where we were met with cameras. I shielded Louis’ face and hurried towards where the lads were standing. We didn’t have much time to reunite as people tried to get to us and questions were being shot at us, instead we were immediately climbing into my van.

 

*Back at our Flat*

 

We clambered through the door and went in for a large group hug. No one said a word. For a few minutes that’s all it was, silence and tears. Louis was the one to break it.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered.

“No, don’t apologize” Zayn said, as the hug broke apart and we all cuddled together on the couch.

“He’s right.” Said Liam, as he started stroking Louis’ hair. “You shouldn’t. We’re all down here safe and sound and that’s all that matters.”

“You know we’re all here for you right?” Niall asked him.

“Yeah I know. I just didn’t have to put you all through that and I feel pretty fucking bad for it.”

“Well don’t.” Zayn interjected. “Although I’d rather not need to, we’d go through this a million times if it meant that you were here and happy.”

All of us grunted in agreement and spent the rest of the night cuddled up on the couch and eventually falling asleep wrapped around each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope that you guys liked this fic! I know it took me a while to finish, but it's finally done! Let me know which ending you liked better in the comments below!! Also, if you want me to write a specific fic for you, I have a work called 'One Direction Prompts' and all of the information for that will be on there! Thank you for reading, it means a lot! Leave kudos if you like!  
> Happy Reading!  
> -Via

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like this! Stay tuned for more!  
> -Via


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